Have you ever gone through a period of spiritual drought? Have you ever felt spiritually and physically drained? That you feel almost disconnected from the Lord? I period know as "Spiritual Depression". I'm going through a time like this right now, and it's very frustrating. I can't think straight, I haven't slept in weeks. I feel like I'm falling deeper and deeper into a pit of spiritual drought, and I can't get out. I feel like I haven't been listening or God hasn't been speaking to me, or He has and I just haven't been attentive. Emotionally, I feel empty. I spent a lot of time in prayer due to this silence, and God came through for me in small, but measurable ways. First, as soon as I started experiencing this spiritual emptiness, in my devotional study "Experiencing God" I came to the page that dealt with "Silences of God", and a truth was revealed to me, God is silent from either 2 reasons, I have sin that I need to confess and make right with God, or He is silent because He wants to reveal a deeper understand of Himself to me. I'm not sure which one I am experiencing at the moment, but I feel God is getting me through this. Today, He revealed another truth to me through circumstance. As I was charging my ipod, my phone and my Xbox controller battery, it dawned on me: Without being connected to God, I am powerless. I will just go and go until I have nothing left, it is only through trusting God and staying connected to Him that I gain strength through Him. To further affirm this truth, I read a tweet from Rick Warren that said:
"Being disconnected from God is like an unplugged toaster or blender, powerless and useless for the purpose you were made for"
I have prayed for God to speak to me, and He answered. One thing that I believe explains my emotional and physical drought, is my lack of sleep, and the fact that I worked for a week straight last week. Ray noticed my tiredness and gave me Thursday off. I think my physical exhaustion led to my mental and spiritual dryness. I'm trying to find myself as a person. I know that what I do doesn't determine who I am, but it certainly influences who I become. I know that I'm called to ministry, but it seems more and more obstacles are in my path. I would really like to express what I'm going through with one of my mentors, but I find it's a tough subject to bring up. I feel almost ashamed to even mention it but I know it's a dangerous thing to just let go. I think this is just another trial the Lord has put before me to build my character and bring me ever closer to Him. I think that often times, when we think we are far away from God, we are often the closest.
I am trusting Him, and He will get me through this as He always does.
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