Desert Moments

In our lives, we all experience some sort of conflict or struggle. We come to the place where we feel overwhelmed by the circumstances, and don't know exactly how things will turn out.When you think of the desert, what comes to mind? Well, it's a desolate, barren and unforgiving wild place that certainly will kill you if you're careless. It's big and dry. Nothing but a sea of sand, not to mention the animals that can kill you. Blistering hot during the day, and bone chillingly cold at night. Not exactly a place that I'd like to spend a weekend at. So, why the desert? In the bible, almost every single person that God called for a partnership with, went through a desert...and quite literally:
Moses fled to the desert for 40 years after killing an Egyptian
David fled to the desert to escape Saul
the apostle Paul was in the desert near Damascus for 7 years
Jesus was led by the spirit into the desert and was tempted by the devil

See the pattern? The desert keeps popping up.What's so special about the desert? To me, I believe that there are 2 reasons: One, So God can alone with the person so they can experience him personally. As John Elderidge once put it "You don't encounter the Living God at the mall". Two, because it becomes a testing and training ground for the person struggling. It's like basic training that God puts you through to prepare you for the task ahead of you. Take Moses for example, he killed an Egyptian slave worker after he saw him beating a Israelite. He fled to the desert and became a shepherd for 40 years, then he encounters the Lord. Why a shepherd? Well, what does a shepherd do? It leads a flock and keeps them together. Moses had to learn to have a shepherding heart before he could lead his people, who soon would become God's people, out of Egypt, out of slavery, and out of the influence of the false Egyptian gods. The desert was training ground for Jesus, and the ministry God was calling Him to, as was with the apostle Paul.

I say all this to finally come to the real reason why I am writing this blog. This past July, I experienced one of the biggest desert moments I ever faced, and I'm still facing it today. This past July my mother attempted to take her own life. She cut both of her wrists and slit her throat. I received a text from my dad while I was at work that only said "Get your aunt to take you, mom is in the hospital". My mom fell down the stairs earlier so I figured that was the reason why, so me and my aunt both get to the hospital only to see the look on my dad's face that I have not seen in a long time, and only once in my entire life when his brother died. He took one look at me and went out the door without saying a word. At that point my brother broke the news to me and my aunt that she tried to kill herself. I'll be honest, I lost it. I cried immediately. I was an emotional wreck. My mother had been diagnosed with clinical depression for over 10 years after she lost both parents in 1 years time. A million thoughts ran through my mind and I'll be completely transparent when I say that God was not once on my mind. In fact, the first person I called to find comfort from was my girlfriend, Zoe at the time. We went back to see her, laying in a bed on suicide watch. I saw the cuts on her wrists and throat. I couldn't look at her. I was crying so hard. I had to leave. My dad escorted me out, crying with me. In all my years I only seen my dad cry once, and that was at his brother's funeral. I fled to my proverbial desert. I tried to seek comfort at the house of my girlfriend. Not once did I cry out to God, in fact I didn't even think of Him. Fast forward a couple days. She got released from Emerald Coast Behavioral, and she was like a new woman I never met. She was smiling and giggling and...happy for once. She was the mother from my childhood. I was never close with my mother, a thing I regretted once I found out the news. After everything happened, I sought out my spiritual mentors for guidance and counseling, as I always do. Let me take a moment just to praise God for the people I am glad to call my mentor. Without them, I would truly be lost. Truly, it was a traumatic situation that left a wound on my heart, and while I am glad she wasn't successful, the pain is pretty overwhelming. My eyes were opened that day. I can now relate to those who may be experiencing the same thing. I have another testimony. My desert moments aren't over, but I know that God is equipping me for the ministry that He has called me to. Whatever desert moments you may be experiencing in your life, just stop for a moment and ask "What am I being prepared for?".
I leave you with this final thought, a thought that David had when he was in his desert moment:
"The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know Your name trust in You, for You, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek You. " --Psalm 9:9-10

 

Defining The Line

Imagine a little boy around the age of 6 years old. Young and innocent, he goes into the bathroom and stumbles upon daddy's collection of porn magazines. The dad, to his shame, catches the boy looking at the images confused with a sight that he's never seen before. The dad immediately snatches the magazine away from the boy and tells him "This is not how you love a woman, son. This is smut and it's wrong". 

The little boy was me. 

I think at one point, almost every male has undergone an addiction to lust in some shape or form. Whether it be through pornography or just drooling over a scantily clad Victoria's Secret model, wondering what she would look like without the napkin barely covering her dirty parts. Men, by nature, are horny creatures. How this is happened, I don't know, but that's not the issue here. We have taken a very gift from God, and we have twisted it into something completely disgusting. Lust is one of the 4 weapons that the enemy uses against us.
Fear
Lust
Anger
PrideI'll never forget what my good friend Heath Taws once told me: "The enemy has the same old tricks, he just uses different mediums". The internet, television, etc. Media is the biggest source of pornography. In Ephesians chapter 5 it talks about "Adorn the amour of God, so you can protect yourself from the schemes of the enemy". Most folks focus on the amour of God, but I think it's the schemes we should focus on.
So how does lust start? Well, it starts with a wound. Lust is mostly associated with the wound of acceptance, wanting to be accepted and to be intimate. As such, there is a cycle that happens with masturbation and it goes like this:

Step 1: The trigger - something triggers the lust
Step 2: The action - you give into the temptation
Step 3: The guilt - you feel ashamed of what you did
Step 4: The regret - you regret doing it, and vow to never do it again...then the cycle repeats itself

God created sex for man and woman to be intimate. It is the very glue of a marriage. Now, let me stop for a moment and clarify something:
Sex is a action
Making love is spiritual

Sex is nothing more than 2 people coming together for a common purpose, but for self satisfaction. To put it into perspective, imagine 2 people robbing a bank. You don't rob a bank so that your partner gets all the loot, you team up so you can get your share, then you part ways. Same with 2 people having sex just for the rush and the feeling.
Making love is something entirely different. It's deep, passionate, shared and intimate. It is 2 people coming together for a common purpose, to enjoy each other as God intended us to do. God made women in His own image. Loving, nurturing, beautiful. All these characteristics reflect who God is. Man was created to be strong, courageous and daring. Men love adventure, risk and a challenge. Why else would we climb Mount Everest or jump out of an airplane? Sex, to the lustful man, is the challenge and the thrill that they seek. The instant pleasure. The acceptance they crave.

Let me draw a line: There is a difference between admiring beauty and lust.Women are beautiful and there's nothing wrong with recognizing that, but when you take her beauty from her for your own pleasure, then it becomes lust. You must learn to draw that line for yourself. Men all have a natural propensity to lust, but we also have the choice to break that propensity.

One of the most defining things for me that I've learned is that God gave us free will, which means He gave us the option to reject Him. Imagine that, the Creator of the heavens and the earth could have forced us to obey...but He didn't because He loves us that much. God doesn't cause any of us to sin, it is by our own choice. When Adam and Eve was in the Garden, God didn't force them to obey, he merely asked of them one thing: Don't eat the apple. One simple little act of obedience towards Him. He didn't force them, He gave them a choice to either obey, or reject. So we must get to the place where we must ask ourselves, will I obey God? OR do I fall into the scheme? Remember: You have the power of choice.