Lost then found

I wasn't always this Godly
Not even on Sunday
I kept You in the back of my mind
Like a fairy tale
I believed in You
I knew OF You
but I wasn't after Your heart
I didn't know You, as I know You now
I went my own way
made my fair share of stupid mistakes
Lost myself
the world left me cold and broken
battered and bruised
empty and lonely
I was at my worst
yet, You saw me in my best
You found me
When I lost myself
You loved me
when no one cared
You saved me
from a life filled with sin
You redeemed me
You knew who I was
when I haven't had the slightest clue who
I thought I had no purpose
Yet, You saw potential in me
You lifted me in Your arms
and held me close
You took my death
and gave me life again
I am reborn
through You
You brought me to Your home
I now call my own
A guiding light
with people I now call my family
People who love me
Not for what I was
but for who I am
Same love You showed me
You showed me
opened my eyes
I know You now
Savior Lord
Christ
Son of God
My King
I was lost
yet You found me
Jesus, You are my virtue
You are my king
Christ, You are my love
Savior, You have saved me

Experiencing God

I'm in a small group under Roy Mansfield, and we're studying a book called "Experiencing God". We meet on Wednesdays every week to discuss what we've learned as we do a 5 day devotional over the course of the week, each day focuses on a specific lesson. We just got done with the first week and I've experienced God in many ways that I've never even dreamed of. I learned that God wants me to work "with" Him and not just for Him. In one of my previous blogs I shared with you all how I got to bond with a mentor of mine. The imagery of the analogy of Roy and I scrubbing the deck was so fitting. God wants me to scrub the deck while He sprays the hose, and vice versa. He wants me to work WITH Him and not just FOR Him. Not only did Roy and I complete something together for a good cause, but we bonded and shared personal experiences with each other through God. We both got to experience God that day. Another lesson that I've learned, not only cognitively, but through experience was this: "God invites us to work with Him through a crisis of belief that requites faith and action". I had a friend who was being influenced by secular testimonies of people who supposedly went to Heaven and Hell. He felt prompted to send me an exuberant influx of these videos to me and began to influence me and test my beliefs. These videos and my friend's words kept me up at night worrying. I immediately do what I always do when confronted with problems: I sought out Godly council from my mentors. The first person I sought guidance from was my youth pastor (whom I intern for). I was helping him move when my friend messaged me another Heaven testimony. Feeling the guilt inside of how I really felt I told him I could watch no more of these because they tested my faith and what I believe. He promptly called me and told me even more crazy things than he ever said before, things like "The enemy is using this against you" and "he's trying to scare you to put God in a box" and "he's using your mentors as a puppet". I shook this off as more lunacy which made me even more worried for my friend. I sought out Ray's take on that matter. He told me the story of his friend who had gone down a very similar path. He gave me the council I needed and told me to seek out the advice of someone who specialized in this kind of situations, Roy Mansfield. Roy is very wise, not only biblically, but wise in the way of the world. Roy revealed to me the best course of action and also showed me scripture that dealt with the EXACT same situation and resolution for it that I needed. It was amazing how specific God's Word was to me. Seeking Godly council is a biblical course of action for a man to take.This crisis of belief led me to take action. Which was exactly what the lesson I was studying on. God opened up my eyes on many things and allowed me to experience not only Him, but things that taught a lot about myself and my faith. God wants us to experience Him, question is, are we listening?

There is no art, only artists?

This has been boggling my brain for the past couple months. No art, only artists? Can such a intrepid statement be soo true, that we've had the wrong idea for centuries? That's like saying there is no Starbucks, only coffee. No color, only what we see. No music, only sound. So, if there is no art only artists, do we make art what it is? Or does art make us make it what it is? Do we conform to what our idea of art is? Or does our own creativity make what others perceive as art? It is like questioning reality. Does who we are make what is existence, or does existence make us who we are? Such rapt thoughts keep me up at night. Even now it is hard to describe what my intention is for your interpretative consumption. I guess it is up to debate and opinion to answer this question: Do artists make the art? Or does the art make the artist?

Developing Relationships part 2

Today God has opened another opportunity to build a bond between another person. Today I knew that I was going to work today in the office with Destree, who is a leader in Axis. Now, I knew OF her, but I never really got to KNOW her. I noticed a situation that was evident and felt that I needed to speak with her about it, not only to help her out and reach out to her, but also break the ice as there was an awkward silence in the air. So, as we spoke, we really shared with each other deep, philosophical thoughts and ideas that was really refreshing. I always enjoy a nice deep, meaningful conversation. We really connected and it was just easier to talk to her the more I got to know her. I just hope that I'm a person that she can always share whatever is on her heart, or just a listening ear when she needs it. She has a huge heart and pure spirit, that shines through her personality. I'll be praying for her in her struggles and hope that God opens up to her His unfailing plan to her.

Again, I strongly believe that developing bonds and relationships on a personal basis is vitally important. It's a thing of love. Jesus did that wherever He went. He loved people, he didn't shun the weak, the diseased, the uncool or the broken and lost. He loved people. I think it's time we tear down walls, and start building bridges. I'm happy and thankful for the time talking with Destree, and I only hope I can make more of these trust bonds with other people. Trust is soo hard to come by these days. Trust is more easily lost than given. The absence of integrity in humanity is responsible. People can't trust because people can't be trusted. But, be that as it may, we still need to be open to people, because you just might come across someone who can be trusted.

Developing Relationships

I had the most wonderful opportunity to serve the other day and do missions work with Axis Student Ministry. We went to a place called "House of Grace Maternity Home" which is essentially a place designed for pregnant teens who have no where else to go. The youngest girl they had was a 10 year old girl. Can you imagine? One of my esteemed pastors came with us, Pastor Roy Mansfield, who is the pastor of spiritual development at Northstar. For the longest time I looked up to Roy, and had the opportunity to speak with him many times, but never on a personal basis. I felt as if God were telling me that I need to be close with him. I started attending his small group and that was a good start. But after I had finished raking up some leaves, he approached me and asked if I would help in a task. At that moment, I knew God was giving me an opportunity to develop a close reltionship to an esteemed mentor. The job we were assigned with was to clean a wooden deck saturated with mold. As we began, we started talking and got to know one another quite well. It felt amazing to develop such a bond. I can only imagine that this is what God intends for all of us to do. To develop relationship with not only Him, but everyone. Stop building walls and start building bridges. Roy is an extremely wise man, with a awesome background story. I really enjoyed hearing his stories and past experiences and really get to know him. And, in the process of this, not only did we create an awesome bond, we both got to serve our Lord by serving the House of Grace. Needless to say, cleaning an entire wooden deck with only a grill scraper is a pretty long and tedious task, but what made it worthwhile were these 3 things:

1) Serving
2)Developing a bond with someone
3)Growing and learning new things

So 2 great things were accomplished that day, God's will, and a chance to bond with an esteemed mentor. God really does work in awesome and unimaginable ways, and everyday He humbles me to a new degree.

Green eyed angel

An angel
is what you are
sent from heaven
Heaven
is what your embrace feels like to me


Each day, I feel my hope slip away
Thinking that you'll stay for another day
I hope in that chance that there's a way
But it fades as tomorrow becomes today


You're soo set in your ways
thinking that it's hopeless anyways,
living each week by the days
there's nothing more to say.


Ineffable beauty
skin is warm to the touch
you say your cold 
I say you need someone to warm you
not only in temperature
but in love


That smile, oh that smile
how it haunts my dreams at night
it keeps warm in a cold world
it keeps me alive
Green eyes, reflect ocean green seas
If only you knew how much you mean to me