Be Bold

Lately, God has been speaking to me quite a bit and I'm beginning to see a pattern. I sense that God is calling me to make certain adjustments in my life in order for His will and work to be completed through me. God has been hinting to me that I need to have a stronger trust and faith in Him, and that I can say I trust Him all I want, words do not matter. It is the action that truly reveals what I believe about God, whether it be in my relationships with people, commitments or conversations. Also, God spoke to me today about being more intentional and bold with my faith. Yesterday, I got into a heated argument with my father over faith and Jesus, and I felt like giving up, but God spoke to me saying that I do not need to worry, that no matter what trial you may face, as long you trust in Me, and Me alone I will deliver you. It was really reassuring because I fear rejection or loss, feeling uncomfortable or fear of failure. Marty's message today spoke to me almost as if he spoke exactly what was going on in my life, and what I needed to do. That happens a lot in my life, and I believe that is one of the ways God speaks to me in a personal way. We as Christians all face these fears, which makes us silent when the time for boldness arises. The disciples were flogged and arrested several times after teaching in the name of Jesus. After they had been imprisoned, the would go out and do the same thing they got arrested for. After multiple warnings, finally the Pharisees got tired of them and had them arrested, planning to execute them. Instead after a long discussion with a esteemed member of the counsel named Gamaliel, they instead flogged them and let them go. If you are unfamiliar with the term "flogged", it is one of the worst punishments in the ancient society, right after crucifixion. In fact, before Jesuswas crucified, he was severely flogged. They would take whips with glass shards, sharp metal or hooks and whip the victim until their flesh literally was peeling off. So one by one, they were flogged and then set free. Even after all this punishment, they were still not defeated or unwavering in their faith. They prayed to God for even MORE boldness and continued to teach in the name of Jesus. You see, the disciples had a passion for Jesus unlike any other because were firsthand witnesses of the power and might of God. They were even His students! Imagine what it would be like if Jesus came back, and choose 12 people to be his disciples today and chose you, as you were living your daily routine. Let's say you're mowing the grass, then a man walks up to you and immediately you notice that there is something different about him, but you can't exactly find out what. He then asks you this "Come, follow me. Leave behind everything that you know and follow me." If you were put in this situation, what would you do? Would you follow him? Leave everything that you love behind? Your family, friends, job, school, pets everything behind you, and follow a man you never met before? You probably wouldn't, but you don't know what is at work here. You see, Jesus chose His disciples to be apart of a plan that God had started. A revolution that would forever change the face of mankind for all eternity. But...you don't see that, you only see the things at face value. You would probably think this guy is nuts and tell him to leave, but then you wouldn't have experienced what the 12 apostles experienced. To follow Jesus, requires faith, even in the things you don't see. When Jesus approached Matthew, Simon Peter, John etc, they all immediately stopped what they were doing, and left everything , their family, wives children, behind to follow a man they just met. In order to be apart of God's revolution, you must have bold faith. Church, as Christ intended it, was never a building, but rather a movement. He built the foundation His church on this truth: that He is the son of the Living God, who died on the cross for our sins, was buried and rose again. That is what church is. It's not a building, it is not the idea of "kirche" which is the German word for "Lord's House". It is none of those things. It is a movement that God has started, and is continuing today. Not even the gates of hell can stop this movement that God has started. Sometimes it's about standing up for what you believe, even when you are fearful of the results. Be bold. That's what our armbands at Northstar say. It doesn't mean be rude, but rather stand up for what is right and for what is truth. I am challenged by this messaged and by God speaking to me these past couple weeks. I will have more faith, I will be more intentional with my faith, my relationships and actions, and I will be bold, so that I can be apart of a revolution that God started a long time ago.

Answering The Call

Over the past couple of months, God has been me to do something that I don't quite understand. I trust in God's leading, but understanding the reasoning behind it is what I struggle with. After my last serious relationship ended in January. I stayed single for a while until I met another girl whom I grown very fond of. She was a believer and was very attractive, both mentally and physically. She was artistic, which is very appealing to me. We began talking and hit it off pretty well, but it just didn't work out and the whole thing ended up pretty horrible afterwards unexpectantly. I met a few other girls and the same thing began to happen and I started noticing a pattern. Either a guy had already beaten me to her, or something would happen to where it just wouldn't work out.

I began to sense that maybe God was calling me to be single, but I didn't know why? It was very frustrating to me because I'm a very affectionate person, and I really don't like being single. But then it began to make sense after a while. I felt that maybe God was calling me to be single to help me focus on other areas of my life, that a relationship would only hinder. Also, that by maybe just by being obedient in God's leading, and trusting in Him even when I don't understand the situation entirely, that I might grow more spiritually in my faith and relationship with God, and by being obedient God would bless me with a relationship with a girl that is compatible with me. I feel that I should focus more on the relationship I have with God rather than a girl because that would mean I am seeking earthly and secular things. Perhaps another reasoning behind this is because God is protecting me from being hurt, or falling into temptation with sin.

My logic and reasoning are nothing compared to the limitless and infallible understanding that God has. As you can see, there are many things behind the reason why God is calling me to be single. Many times have I tried but all opportunities have been closed shut for me. Sometimes God calls us to do things that we don't understand or grasp logically. God might call us to do weird things that make us even question if that is God's direction. The thing we have to realize is that by just being obedient that God shows us His plan for us, and that He will give us the desires of our hearts. We cannot think like God. We cannot fully understand God because if we could then He wouldn't be God if we figured Him out. God's power and wisdom far surpass anything you could possibly comprehend. God knows literally everything at all times. I find a hard time following God's will when I don't understand it, but it takes faith. Faith is believing in what you don't see. You might not be able to see the reason or logic behind it, you might not even see the direction the path might be taking you, but if it is God's will, it is always right, and it is always good.

You can trust in a God who already knew and loved you, and created you before existence was even though of. Being obedient takes faith. Faith is doing something without knowing the result, but trusting in God and His leading. God calls everyone to do something they don't understand. God has called me to ministry, and that was the LAST thing I pictured myself doing.

God might be calling you to do something you don't understand completely, and you might not even be realizing it. I am trusting God in His leading and I am responding to Him by being obedient and waiting for Him to show me the right girl for me. Whatever you sense God calling you to do, pray to God and ask Him to reveal to you His purposes behind whatever it is you feel God calling you to do.

We don't always understand what God wants us to do, but if have true faith in Him, and trust in His leading then we can be obedient and respond to God and grow in our relationship with Him. God uses these crisis of beliefs to teach us something about our character, or even God's character. Perhaps a spiritual truth or principle He wants to instill in you. There could be thousands of reasons, but know we can trust in a God who has purposed everything in your life according to His plan. Have faith, even when you don't fully understand the why behind it.

No Such Thing As Luck

Lately I've been praying for God to use me in some way to impact someone's life or use me to complete His work. Last night and tonight, my prayer was answered. Last night, I had the strangest feeling to text a complete stranger whom I've never even really met before. We sort of talked earlier that day but we never really had the chance to formally introduce ourselves to one another. After I had texted her, we hit it off pretty great. We started talking and then she said something that would later loop this whole story together later. She said to me: "Well you've certainly made my night better". At the time I thought it was just a mere compliment with no real meaning behind it, but later I would soon find out the it was a meaning I had overlooked.

Tonight we began texting again, and she finally decided to share with me what had been bothering her for a while now. She began to tell me about some trust issues she had been having and how much it had been bothering her. I began to pour into her life and gave her my views on the matter, she then began to tell me how much I had helped her and then said to me: "Last night I was in a horrible mood, but you just texted me out of no where and made my whole night better". She never hinted that she was in a horrible mood that night, and by no circumstance was this coincidence. God directed me to text this stranger that I never knew or met before, and He used me as a vessel to complete His work through me. I was able to bring a smile to someone's face and impact her in a way that reflected the love of God. I am soo humbled and honored that God would use me in this way and just echoes the power of His perfect love. It was a demonstration of His mercy and love, and shows that God is the Sovereign Lord, who controls and directs out lives. Has anything ever happened to you that seemed a little bit TOO much of a coincidence? As I walk with Christ I learn that there is no such thing as luck. Everything happens for a reason and not by chance. I got to experience God tonight just by being obedient and open for Him to use me.

God invites us everyday to be apart of His work. He WANTS to partner with us. That's why He sent his son and the Holy Spirit at Pentecost. Through a relationship with Jesus, we can come to the Father. With the Holy Spirit we partner with God. Through the entire Bible, God has partnered with us. He partnered with Moses to lead the Israelites out of Egypt, and spoke to Moses many times. He completed His work through Moses. Throughout the Bible, God spoke in many different ways. In the Old Testament, God spoke through prophets and miraculous signs. Throughout the Gospels, He spoke through His son Jesus Christ, who died on the cross for our sins. In the books of acts, God sent His Holy Spirit to live inside of us for all eternity.

God wants to partner with us everyday so that He can complete His work through us. My belief is that I would give up everything I know and love and own, just to experience God. I would give everything up if it meant at least 1 person came to know Christ as their personal Lord and Savior. As we experience God, we draw closer to Him. Glory be to God for allowing me to impact this person's life. I want when people look at me, they see Jesus. I want to reflect the love and glory of my Father in Heaven soo much, that they want to experience Him. I want God to use me in every way that He sees fit for my life, to advance the Kingdom of Heaven and bring glory to His Holy name in everything that I do.

But, I still have a long way to go....

His sheep know His voice

Eric Schrotenboer is one of my spiritual mentors. As I was having lunch with him one day, I asked him this: "How do I know I'm following God the right way? How do I know my path is aligned with God and not my own?" What he said to me next has stuck with me ever since, and confirmed to me that I have the right mentors.

He told me that while he was in Israel, he saw a shepherd with his sheep on a path, and the sheep were trained to stay just on the path and eat the grass on the edge, they were not to wander off the path. At times the shepherd would go ahead of the flock so that they could not see him, but he would call them and they would come immediately. Now, the paths kind of split like the picture you see above except they split in more directions. He said "now these sheep, could not see their shepherd but heard him calling them. They wanted to come to where the shepherd was but didn't know which way to go, so they chose a path. Eventually all the paths that split came back to one path, and at the end of that path was the shepherd. The sheep are trained to only respond to the shepherd's voice, and no one else voice. Sometimes, other shepherds would try to steal other shepherd's sheep, so they trained them to respond to only their voice.  It doesn't matter which path you take, as long as you listen and follow God's voice".

Jesus is often referred to as "The Shepherd", the flock being His children of believers. John 10:27 says: "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me"


The path is represented as your walk with God in life. The shepherd's voice is Jesus directing your life, and the other voices trying to get you to turn and stray from God is sin and evil. If you come to know God's voice, and hear Him when he calls you, then no matter which way you go, as long as you listen to Him, you will always be in line with God. The different paths represent the choices and decisions you make. Everyday we say "should I do this? or this?", as long as we hear what God has to say about our plans, and follow Him, it always come back to God. As long as you follow God and obey His commands, pursue a intimate love relationship with Him and not stray from that, then everything will work out. We are the sheep, listening to the Shepherd's voice, and at the end of that path waiting is Jesus. Do you struggle with hearing Him? I know I do sometimes. But just remember that God doesn't speak JUST to hear Himself speak. Usually God speaks to reveal something about His ways or purposes. He usually speaks to invite you to adjust to Him, so that He may complete His work through you. There will be many things trying to get you to stray from the path my brave fellow sheep, don't listen to it because it will only distance you from God. We make decisions everyday, if you're worried about if it was the right one, don't. All paths that are devoted to God, lead back to God. Want to hear God speak? Read His word, I hear Him speak to me all the time through that alone.

God has truly blessed me with mentors such as Eric, Ray, Roy and Lee. It's good that you surround yourself with godly counsel, in fact the Bible even commands it, but God spoke to me the other night and showed me that 1 individual is not the entire church. You see, God speaks through the church to confirm what He is doing through you in your life. It's like an "outside looking in" perspective. They see what God is doing in you, then they reflect and confirm it to you. Sometimes we depend on just 1 individual's input, which isn't at all bad, but sometimes it is always good to get other's opinion so you get multiple views, and if they all align with the same principle, that my friend it is in line with God. Find some godly people in your life to guide you in your walk with Christ. I have the best mentors and godly counsel I could ever ask for, and without them I wouldn't be where I'm at today. God can speak through them, and we can hear His voice. Remember it isn't always the path you take, just as long as you're hearing the direction in your life calling you.

Deja Vu

Ever read a passage of scripture that seems to keep on popping up or standing out to you? Lately, it's been this passage:

"Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And love your neighbor as yourself"

It appears in Deuteronomy, Leviticus, the book of Mark, Matthew, Luke and makes references to many other books. It's a prayer known as the "Shema" and it's also called the "Greatest Commandment" that God calls us to follow. I've seen it 4 times now: I've learned how to recite in Hebrew in "The Dust of the Rabbi" small group. I've studied it in a devotional with my other small group "Experiencing God". Pastor Marty spoke about it last Sunday in his message, and  last night, our small group attended the memorial service of a girl who got killed in a car accident and her youth pastor recited it. So obviously God is trying to tell me something through this scripture, but what? I think it's more of a self reflection for me, to evaluate what I'm doing and how much I focus on God. I try to devote myself as much as I can to the Lord, but I feel like I'm lacking big time. I'm not sure what areas those are yet, but I'll continue to pray for His direction. I think the "love your neighbor as yourself" sticks out a lot to me. I think I need to express more love to others, especially my broken family.

As God moves and speaks to me in my life, I'm very cautious as to how I interpret what He's trying to tell me. I don't want to miss what He's saying, but I also don't what to misunderstand what God is saying either. I have always found that impulsive, bold and impatient action only leads failure, so I've become wary of God's speakings to me. I will pray to Him to help me clearly understand what He wants me to understand or learn, and to give me the guidance that He has been lately.

The Sounds of Silence

Silence is the absent of sound, or lack of response from a person. It can also be devastating to self-esteem and relationships. We live in a technology age where everything is done behind either a computer screen or a text message. We're losing relational value and ostracizing ourselves from other people. Silence however has a funny way of playing tricks with the mind. SO much in fact that it distorts our vision and ability to think rationally. We jump to conclusions or make up justifications as to why there is no response. You begin to question the circumstances, or make up excuses. I'll give some examples that just about everyone has experienced:

We've all done this, we meet a cute guy or girl and get their cell number and we start texting them. After about a couple days of flirting, all seems well until one day he/she doesn't respond to your texts anymore. Matter of fact, he/she doesn't respond to you all day. You resend the messages about 5 or 6 times just to be SURE he/she got them. Now here's the process: At first, you just brush it off thinking "well maybe their just busy or don't have their phone" but then time begins to sink in. You become more and more impatient. You then become paranoid. You now begin to think maybe she lost interest in me? maybe she found another guy? maybe I said something that offended her? Maybe she doesn't want to be in a relationship? Maybe I'm just not good enough? You fall into a list of "maybes" and try to figure out why the person you messaged won't respond. More time goes by, then you become angry, you begin to think "what is her problem? why won't she message me? Is she ignoring me? Well 2 can play at that game! she's stuck up. I know I'm way too good for her anyways..her loss. You then begin to try and stalk him/her on facebook to see when they last posted a status, maybe you find one and say "well if she can post a status, why can't she text me back?"  You then become depressed. You have tried everything to figure out just why this person you messaged won't text you back...and then you get it. The message you've been waiting for: "Hey sorry I haven't texted you all day, I didn't have my phone, I just got 12 of the same texts from you just now" 

Do you see the breakdown here? Silence has an effect on us that pushes us out of our comfort zone. Imagine you're in a comedy club, and the comedian walks out and stands there for 30 minutes not saying a word. Not moving, not smiling. Just standing there doing nothing. At first, you would laugh thinking it's apart of the act, time goes on it's still kind of funny, but then it just gets uncomfortable. You begin to think "how long is this going to last? Is he ok? People shift in their seats, and silence falls over the crowd. No one moves. They wait anxiously for something to happen...but nothing does... and that makes us uncomfortable. The waiting. Waiting for the unknown to happen. It's a anxious sort of wait, like when you wait in the waiting room of a doctor's office, waiting for the test results or for a surgery that you need done. You're nervous, but anxious to get to it. You crave it, you need it, you hunger for the instantaneous response. Have you ever noticed that you tend to hear things when it's completely silent? It makes sense doesn't it? If it was noisy, you couldn't hear anything but when it's dead quiet, the silence begins to play tricks on you. You start hearing things that aren't there. The next time you're home alone, try shutting off everything in your house, eliminate all sound in your house and just listen. You'd be amazed at how much you'd think you hear. 

The text message example I just gave, is that not like our relationship with God? If we don't hear something right away, then we begin to question Him or the circumstances. Maybe He's mad at me? Maybe He doesn't want to talk to me? We begin to make up our own truths and believe them, because that makes us feel safe. God wants to talk to you, me and everyone else. Just because God is silent, doesn't mean He's not there. Just because the person doesn't reply back within 20 seconds, doesn't mean that person doesn't exist anymore. God will speak to us when He wants to speak to us. God doesn't just talk JUST to hear Himself talk, there is always a purpose behind it. When God speaks, it is because He wants to reveal something about Himself to you, or cause you to action. He may reveal something to you, or teach you something. He may complete His work in you to impact someone else's life. 

I have trouble understanding this. Lately I've felt far away from Him, or I just having been listening good enough. I felt spiritually drained. Sometimes God is silent because we either have sin separating us from Him that we need to make right, or because He wants to reveal a deeper understanding of who He is. 

A thing to remember to get you through anything, is patience. Though it may be difficult to master or even understand, but it'll help us not jump to so many false conclusions. There will be times when God is silent, but don't let that discourage you because He has a greater purpose behind everything. He created you before time began, and God loves us no matter what. Don't let silence twist your mind and thinking, but rather fill that silence with a prayer to Him, and block away any sound that isn't there. Faith above all else, can get us through even the most difficult of times. Patience requires perseverance and practice. 

Stay positive

Day of Freedom

Freedom. In order to get it, you must first fight for it. Today as you celebrate our nation's independence, I want you to take a look around you, and notice the little things that you take for granted. The things that people in other countries don't get to have or do. The things that costed soo many people their lives fighting to defend it. The 4th of July isn't about the fireworks, the day off from work, the apple pie or the bonfires. It isn't even about the history. It's about our recognition as a free world, a freedom that has been entrusted with us by God. But you see, we're all truly free. Everyone of us can be set free, if we accept Truth. Truth isn't a principle or a lesson to be learned, it's a person. Jesus Christ is Truth, and if you accept Him into your heart as Your personal Savior, then my friend you are free. 

Many countries have made worshiping God illegal. In fact, if you get caught in certain countries acknowledging that you worship God, you can be put in prison for life or even put to death. Such countries are Korea, and some areas in Israel. Many families have to worship God in secret, with other believers, hiding their faith for their very lives. They are supposed to be the light of the world and the salt of the Earth as Jesus said, and yet their light is being extinguished by a world that makes it illegal to follow God. They cannot do what they were created for, and their purpose is being exploited. They fight everyday to read their bibles, they need it to live.  They read it first thing when they wake up, and right before they go to bed. They are fighting for their faith. Everything that they do is centered around God. Can we as Americans say the same thing about our faith? Are we fighting for God? Or fighting against Him? We live in a world, were we can worship God freely, and yet...we don't. We see it as a chore or a burden. We get discouraged because it "looks to hard". When those people who are persecuted because of their belief come over here to escape and freely worship God for the first time, what will they see? They will see people who take their freedom for granted, people who never fought for what they have. The Word of God is a precious treasure in many countries, it it valued above all else. 

Such was the story of early Christ followers living in a Greek world. In order to buy anything in the markets, be apart of the city counsel or even be in their society, you had to acknowledge and pay homage to their gods. If you didn't, then you couldn't be apart of that world. Before Jesus came, the Greek mythology we know today as myth was the World religion in many areas. There was a god for pretty much anything and everything. Then Jesus came and said cast down your other idols and follow me. People did, but when they did it became counter-cultural. They worshiped in secret, hiding in homes dedicated to the Lord, huddling together taking in God's Word. Many times was it easy to not follow God. In order to buy something in the market, you had to pay a sacrifice to Hermes. In order to vote in the city counsel you had to pay homage to Athena, if you did pay homage to the Greek Gods then you did evil in the eyes on the true God, the God of Israel. The same God who is alive and is still God today. Can you imagine what they must have gone through? I can't. They didn't follow the Greek Gods, so they couldn't be apart in that world. So they fled, and fought to follow God. 

Destree was telling me of a Korean woman in her seminary class that never spoke to anyone, but one day in class she raised her hand and everyone was shocked because she hardly ever spoke but this is what she said: "You Americans take for granted what you have been given, you spend hours on Facebook, glorifying yourselves when you can't even spend 10 minutes in God's word. Many of my people died for this right, the right to worship God, and you people have it, yet everyone does not do it. It makes me sick"

Is this the image we want to show to the world? That all American Christ followers are hypocrites or take our freedom for granted? American is on a pedestal, and the whole world is watching us. When other believers who center their ENTIRE lives around Christ come here and see the laziness that we as believers have, what will they think? What will they say? What will other people who don't even know Christ say? Will they want what we have? No, they won't. Know why? Because if it is not in us, then how can we put it in them? If Christ is not the center of our lives, then how can we share it with people who don't know Him? They will say "Well, if that Christian can do it, why can't I? He's just a hypocrite". I don't know about you, but I don't want to be a hypocrite. This is what I want: I want people when they see me, they see Jesus. They see Jesus in me, and I want them to want Jesus in them. 

Ray told me about a 10th grade boy, who never even heard of Jesus. He had NO clue at all who He was or what He done. He did not know my Lord and Savior, he didn't even hear about Jesus' name. One day, someone took the time to share with Him just Who Jesus was, and now that same kid is going to Bible college to become a pastor. He was set free, he got to experience Truth. 

What do people see when they look at you? What do you want them to see? Are you reflecting God's love? Are you living out what God told you to do? Or are you taking our freedom for granted, the same freedom our soldiers died for. That same freedom that people in other countries die for, they risk their lives to follow God. What are you doing about it?  Wake up, pick up your cross and go, make disciples. Teach them them to obey, but how can you teach them, if you don't know what God taught?

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit" --Matthew 28:19

"Teach them the decrees and laws, and show them the way to live and the duties they are to perform." --Exodus 18:20

“You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men. You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." --Matthew 5: 13-16

God of Opportunities

Being in a mentor/leadership role to younger kids can be rewarding, but it can also be stressful at times. God gave me a giving and caring heart, and sometimes I want to take on the problems that every middle school kid that I come into interaction with has. One kid in particular who's name is Cody, reminds me a lot of myself when I was his age. He wants to be a drummer and often looks to me for guidance, sometimes more than just drumming. He needs money for new sticks and I offered to buy him some, without even realizing that if I did, I would have no money to eat with. Sometimes my generosity gets in the way of rational thought.

Then, God showed me a different way to impact his life. We were talking today over facebook chat, and he told me that he has been drumming on a book since he has no money to pay for a drum pad. It came perfectly clear what I had to do next. I just remembered that I still had the very first drum pad that I ever got when I first started drumming. That pad and I go way back and it has some sentimental value to me, but I knew God was giving me a opportunity to impact and pour into Cody's life so I took it. God knew the consequence if I gave Cody my money, so He gave me a different chance to be generous and impact without me going without. It's the perfect balance. God demonstrates His perfect love by providing for me and Cody equally. He allowed me to be generous without suffering.

God really does love me, and this experience with God has brought me closer than ever to the Creator. God does not play favorites

Acts: 10:34 -- "Then Peter began to speak 'I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism"

A Dry Season

Have you ever gone through a period of spiritual drought? Have you ever felt spiritually and physically drained? That you feel almost disconnected from the Lord? I period know as "Spiritual Depression". I'm going through a time like this right now, and it's very frustrating. I can't think straight, I haven't slept in weeks. I feel like I'm falling deeper and deeper into a pit of spiritual drought, and I can't get out. I feel like I haven't been listening or God hasn't been speaking to me, or He has and I just haven't been attentive. Emotionally, I feel empty. I spent a lot of time in prayer due to this silence, and God came through for me in small, but measurable ways. First, as soon as I started experiencing this spiritual emptiness, in my devotional study "Experiencing God" I came to the page that dealt with "Silences of God", and a truth was revealed to me, God is silent from either 2 reasons, I have sin that I need to confess and make right with God, or He is silent because He wants to reveal a deeper understand of Himself to me. I'm not sure which one I am experiencing at the moment, but I feel God is getting me through this. Today, He revealed another truth to me through circumstance. As I was charging my ipod, my phone and my Xbox controller battery, it dawned on me: Without being connected to God, I am powerless. I will just go and go until I have nothing left, it is only through trusting God and staying connected to Him that I gain strength through Him. To further affirm this truth, I read a tweet from Rick Warren that said:

"Being disconnected from God is like an unplugged toaster or blender, powerless and useless for the purpose you were made for"

I have prayed for God to speak to me, and He answered. One thing that I believe explains my emotional and physical drought, is my lack of sleep, and the fact that I worked for a week straight last week. Ray noticed my tiredness and gave me Thursday off. I think my physical exhaustion led to my mental and spiritual dryness. I'm trying to find myself as a person. I know that what I do doesn't determine who I am, but it certainly influences who I become. I know that I'm called to ministry, but it seems more and more obstacles are in my path. I would really like to express what I'm going through with one of my mentors, but I find it's a tough subject to bring up. I feel almost ashamed to even mention it but I know it's a dangerous thing to just let go. I think this is just another trial the Lord has put before me to build my character and bring me ever closer to Him. I think that often times, when we think we are far away from God, we are often the closest.

I am trusting Him, and He will get me through this as He always does.