Apart Of Me

It's awfully funny how we put on different masks in our lives to accommodate the situations or people that we're around. We like to hide the parts of ourselves that we feel may be "too extreme to handle" for public consumption. To quote A Few Good Men "You can't handle the truth!". We most often do this when talking to girls and on dates with people we barely know, I'm guilty of doing it. Sometimes a chick will say something that will stir my inner nerd to quote a really obscure Star Wars reference or compare it to something geeky that they probably never heard of in their reality tv watching lives. So now whenever I get the urge to yell out what my inner dork is saying, I have to stop myself and tell it "dude, shut up". Whenever I go on dates, it's almost as if I want to censor everything I say, lest I say something completely stupid to make her think I'm some kind of serial rapist or really lame guy. Mind you, I don't try to be somebody I'm not and pretend and lie, I just don't fully let her see the "whole" me. At least not just yet. It's a slow and gradual process. I've noticed that a lot of people do this, or even go so far as to be somebody that they're not, as if they really are a football playing astronaut surgeon that saved a bus full of orphans and kittens and volunteers at the Rescue Mission everyday. While I don't do that, I do try and keep myself "bottled in" for fear of judgement or criticism. We all want to impress our date, it's just human nature. However, I think we've taken it to an extreme of competition with ourselves. This insecurity in us makes us doubtful in the person that God has created us to be, or shaping us to become. When we can't even be honest with ourselves, then how in the world can we be honest with God? I read somewhere that we don't really mature, we just learn how to act in public. The pressure of the date can be a huge stress factor on anyone because it's almost as if we try and play to suit the likes and wants of the other person, rather than just letting each other find something that they like about each other. In every date, there is always the one person doing the majority of the work, I believe that 80% of the time, it's the guy, and I think it should be this way. Men are called by God to be the breadwinners, to be the leader of the household, to be the one his family looks to. He has the obligation to pay for everything because that's what chivalry is. I'm trying my best to prove that chivalry isn't dead. The horrible thing is though, at least for me and 99% of Christian God-fearing men is that society has twisted lies into truths, and truths into lies. You see, in today's world, especially prevalent in the teenage community, it is almost frowned upon to be a Christian. If you don't drink in today's world, you're a heathen. If you don't do drugs, you're a blasphemer. If you don't have sex, then you will be damned. These things make it hard for many of us to look for a partner, and while we should always rely on God to help us find one that suits us, dating can still be a dangerous thing. For many people out there have adopted the "half-way" doctrine of faith where "Oh I believe in God and I love Him, just not enough to do what he says and I'm going to do my own thing because I have problems with authority, control and daddy issues".

Getting back to the masks thing, I think we all to some extent do it. To impress new people into thinking more about you for that first impression. For that girl you just met and really like so you strut your feathers to try and lure her into your trap. It's a difficult thing to do, but we have to stop doing it and just let ourselves be who we are without fear of any ridicule. You are who you are because that's who God made you. Period. Be happy with who you are because we are all different and beautiful in our own way and that's what separates us from everyone else. The circumstances of your life and the experiences you've gone through have all played a part in shaping you into who you are now. Be free and learn to let go, and have a little fun living.