A Better Love Story Than Twilight

Isn't it curious how when you're single all you see is cute, adorable couples that taste what the other had for lunch in public and do cutesey little things for each other and laugh and look so perfect? When you just sit there like "yup...just gonna enjoy myself here...alone." It's those times where YOLO really stands for "You Only Live Ostracized. But when you're in a relationship, it's funny how all you see is single girls that are either cute, or girls that you wanted to date before, but now can't because you're caught in a current commitment. Now, don't misunderstand me, I'm not trying to say that girls are all-you-can-eat buffets that you just get you a little bit then move on to the next piece of meat down the line. I'm just saying before you date someone, the girl that you previously tried to get with, is suddenly single and you find out that she liked you all along. Today I aimlessly meandered around the mall, mostly to clear my head. Why I chose the mall, I'll never know because it's not exactly the best place for spiritual healing. I kept running into people that I went to high school with, most of them I tried to avoid eye contact with and act like I didn't see them...you might think that is rude but I just didn't feel like talking to a person I barely knew, reminiscing about things that I don't even miss when I could be staring at things that I can't even buy while pondering the greater mysteries in life such as "I wonder what would happen if they made a Star Wars 7?" But I digress...Getting out of a very serious and committed relationship has taught me that being alone sucks. Friends are cool, yeah, but having a person of the opposite sex that has a deeper understanding of who you really are and how you really feel about things gives you a sense of security and grounding that makes you feel safe. That makes you feel secure in who you are and that if something goes wrong, you know the first person you can go to because she knows how to make you feel better more than anyone. Women are amazing creatures. God has created them to be nurturing and caring and kindhearted souls that have a mothering side to them. Mind you, not every girl is in tune with this instinct, but that's what separates the girls from the women. I sat by this REALLY beautiful and fine chick today at church and it totally distracted me from worshiping. I don't know who you are mystery girl, but you are super fine...again, I digress. I guess what I'm trying to spit out of this totally desultory blog, is that being alone really allows you to focus on who you are and what you're doing. I've found that I have more time to focus on God and what I'm currently doing and where I'm going than just living for the moment. While I don't enjoy being alone, it has shown me that I'm not dependent on no one but God. It has shown me that I love my most recent ex very much..but I love God more. It's a tough thing when someone asks "Would you give up God for me?" I never was asked such a question in my life. Most of you would have immediately spat out "NO NEVER!". I'll be honest...I hesitated. But my answer was always no. My answer was God. It's a tough life that God has called me to, and to everyone called to ministry. You have to give up soo much. To give up the "normal" life. Normal is relative but the major consensus is "I believe in God, but not enough to go to church or follow His will or read His word or give up sex,drugs,alcohol and everything else". When one is called to ministry, you have to give up everything that our greedy little bodies desire. There are things that I cannot and will not do because of my faith...and I'm ok with that. I am perfectly content knowing that I am fulfilling God's will and purpose in my life, even if it costs me everything I know. I had to basically give up my first love because of it. I'll be honest, it's not easy following God sometimes. Circumstances arise that leave you wanting and questioning, but it is by faith alone that I keep moving. I'm happy with who I am and what I want. Life sucks sometimes but I don't let it get to me. There is always something bigger and better on the other side of anything. We as human beings have the natural tendency to want things, even if it's bad for us and we know it. Most folks are perfectly content with believing in a God, but half heartedly. There is no such thing as half-loving or half-believing in God. With God, it's all or nothing. You can't say "Yeah I love God" but go out and wake up in somebody's bed that you don't know, taking pills that you don't have a illness or prescription for, or drinking things that make you do stupid things. Moses didn't, Job didn't, David didn't, Abram didn't and Jesus CERTAINLY didn't. If Jesus even had to pray, then what makes us any better? Why shouldn't we as well? It's God or bust with me.