A Kick In The Teeth

You know sometimes, when things are hardest for us to deal with, we try to hide and cloud our judgement behind rationalizations and justifications that ultimately make us loose all common sense and clear thinking on the matter, therefore creating our own realities that we would like to believe and so we do so we can cope with our problems, rather than just looking at the naked truth square in the face. It's a horrible situation to be in, when we lie to ourselves and trick us into thinking about maybes and "what-if's". It's like the rebellious teenage boy that the parents always try to pass off as "just a phase" rather than give the lashing that he deserves. The mind has a funny way of tricking our own conscious to the point of complete denial. How do I know? Personal and recent experience my friend. Luckily, God shook me and told me to wake up and see things for how they are, rather than how I would like them to be. One of my beloved mentors whom I consider like a second father to me, who I can always rely on to kick me in the teeth with some honest yet painful truth, showed me how things really are. I always tried to play off my problems as if they weren't my fault, and the world was just out to get me. That's dangerous thinking, as that can lead to a narcissistic and selfish point of view. He showed me that I am where I am because God put me there for a reason, and will keep me there as long as He decides to to keep me there. I was looking for a way out rather than a way to make the most of where I was. A sort of Macguyver approach if you will. It was a humbling experience for sure. My mentor also asked me "What kind of car do you want to be?" After giving him a blank look of total disbelief that he would ask such a strange metaphor, I finally told him my answer. I told him I wanted to be my 2005 Toyota Camry. Simple. Humble. Gets from point A to point B. Nothing too flashy, but nice enough to get the job done. To which he said this: "If you want to live like a Camry than do it, but if you want to live like a 600 horsepower Ferrari, than you better have 600 horsepower under the hood instead of running like a stock pinto". Enough of the car references. In essence, he basically said that you need to live according to the lifestyle that you have chosen, rather than looking for something that you're not. Trusting God lately has been the hardest because at times I don't always understand my circumstances or even know where He's leading me. Blind faith is the hardest faith to keep. God has granted me a peace and understanding that transcends any understanding, even when I'm at my breaking point and on my knees, that is where I experience Him the most. When it seems like I have nothing left, God shows me that I have everything in Him. In truth, I don't know if my circumstances will ever improve, but I know that in the end I will be ok, and that God is with me and that is enough for me.