How does one measure a day? Is it by seconds? Minutes? Hours? Or is it measured by something more? Something more than mere digits. Something timeless. For me, it's measured by brief moments where time blurs out of focus and all recollection of it fades. It's a smile, it's heartbeats. It's love sparks. A day in my life holds no adventures, and no adventure can truly describe one's self. It's in the small things that I truly show who I am, from laughter to butterscotch kisses. To moments shared with someone laughing over absolutely nothing. To moments when you first wake up, and the first thing you hear a voice like a song sung to you as a child whenever you felt alone or afraid. A voice that makes you feel. When you're with a person that matters most, time holds no bearing, nor does it have meaning except when that moment is as it's end. When time was all you had to worry about, schedules, meetings and deadlines, to have been met by one that makes all of that not matter anymore is something ineffable. To have been met by one that changes your entire life the instant you encounter them, that give you a whole new perspective on everything. Someone who unknowingly heals the wounds in your soul left by others with false promises and shattered memories. Love is waking up and feeling the warmth of the person next to you, or the soft kiss in the dark of the night that sends you into a trance of reliving the day just spent. Love, as God intended, permeates the soul and instills in you the desire to be better for that person. Love isn't in the fear of losing that person, but in the security of knowing you won't. To truly experience this is one of God's greatest gifts and pleasures, that has unfortunately been taken for granted or perverted into something else entirely. It's the collection of the simple things that magnify the bigger things. I can honestly say in my own personal life, I have been met by one who does this for me daily. Someone for the very first time, I can look at and admit what my heart has been desperately desiring to admit. I can admit what I feel to her whenever I look at her, with no fear of rejection or judgement. I can for once be myself, and she gives me freedom. She has given me a joy and happiness that I've never experienced outside the glory of God, and she gives me peace. She is everything that I ever hoped, asked and prayed for. To me, she means the world.
Men are often looked down upon for admitting what they feel, because it's often viewed as a sign of weakness and vulnerability. This is a lie developed by the enemy. I see it as strength. A form of freedom and masculinity in the form of the love of Christ. Women are something to be treasured and celebrated, not seen or viewed as what the media depicts them. They are to be enjoyed and cherished, not scrutinized or "fixed". Adam was with Eve in the garden when they fell, and rather than pointing the finger they both took the fall. He was there for her. God calls us to "Love our wives as Christ loved the church" (Eph 5:25) Which would mean sacrificing everything for her. In certain translations of the Greek use of the word "love" in this sense, it is literally translated to "to love dearly, to be well pleased or contented with something. Beloved." God desires all of us to know and be known intimately without fear of rejection or judgement. I thank God for bringing her to me, and for allowing me know someone like that. Someone whom I can share adventures with, laugh about everything and just enjoy life abundantly. A person where laying in bed with for hours is more appealing than a night on the town. Someone to worship the God of the Universe with, and bring glory to His name and make a difference in the lives of others.
Rebekah, if you're reading this, I love you darling. Thank you for coming to my rescue, and being everything I've ever needed.
Friday, January 25, 2013
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Making Space
This month my church Northstar is doing a series entitled "Make Space" and is basically going to be explaining how to make space in our lives and remove the unnecessary clutter that sometimes takes up our time and energy. This series couldn't have come at a better time for me because I have SO much clutter in my own personal life that it's not even funny. Last year especially, came with a lot of baggage. Last night at worship rehearsal at our East Bay Campus, Pastor Adam Carter rallied the troops as he always does every Friday night with an encouraging message and a take charge speech. He shared that he recently cleaned out his garage and it gives him the peace of mind knowing that a lot of the useless, unnecessary and unneeded junk was removed, and he now has room to invite people over for ping pong. Although this is seems like a trivial thing, it's very indicative of our own lives.We get so caught up in business meetings, traffic, errands and commitments that we fill our lives up with a hectic schedule and a busy attitude. The more room we take up with these things, the less room we have for ourselves, and more importantly, less room for God.
I had lunch the other day with a long time friend and spiritual mentor of mine, Eric Schrotenboer. This dude has been with me on my walk with Christ from the beginning and has been such a huge blessing to me in my life. When I first met Eric, I knew there something different about him. It wasn't him that was different but something through him that I couldn't explain any way but different. At the time, my walk with Christ had literally just begun and I wasn't at the level of understanding what it was that set him apart from every average person I met. Eric made time for me, no matter what was going on. If I invited him to an event, he would show up. He never said I'm too busy or give me a false yes, he showed up every time. To this day, if I ask him to go to lunch, or just to talk, he'd make time for me. This is SO critical in making relationships with people: making time. Being available to someone means more than "rain check". Being available speaks in volumes to someone more than it is apparent. In the life of Jesus, He always made Himself available. To the blind man, He didn't say that he would catch him later, or that He was too busy. To the leper, He didn't say that He'd love to but _____. He made time. Now, many will argue that Jesus didn't have a job, or kids or school or family to worry about, and while this is true, Luke 9:62 tells us "No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God". Basically, if you want to make or keep relationships, you better be available.
I always enjoy having lunch with Eric because whenever we get together we discuss life, theology, ministry, the places we've been and stories we have. I love having lunch with any good friend of mine because in that moment, we are experiencing what God desires for us: community. Which also is a foundation for discipleship. In that moment we both take a small pause in the busy schedule and just breathe and enjoy the simpler things in life that God offers to us freely.Salvation and Discipleship are 2 different things. Salvation is a free gift, we can choose to accept it, but discipleship is a choice that we must diligently work at. We can be safe by ourselves with eternal life, or we can go out and touch a life who in turn might touch another life, and then we eat at our table in Heaven with all the people we loved in life that we took the time to reach. Community means making time. Relationships require time to grow and to work. Time means being available. Being available means making space. How do we make space? That starts by looking into ourselves and recognizing what needs to go. Do you really need that 3 hours of tv? Or can you call a friend and ask how you can pray for them? Simple things. That's all it really takes. In my own life, I have a lot to sort out but the important thing is I'm making the time to do so, and that is where God comes in and takes care of the rest.
I had lunch the other day with a long time friend and spiritual mentor of mine, Eric Schrotenboer. This dude has been with me on my walk with Christ from the beginning and has been such a huge blessing to me in my life. When I first met Eric, I knew there something different about him. It wasn't him that was different but something through him that I couldn't explain any way but different. At the time, my walk with Christ had literally just begun and I wasn't at the level of understanding what it was that set him apart from every average person I met. Eric made time for me, no matter what was going on. If I invited him to an event, he would show up. He never said I'm too busy or give me a false yes, he showed up every time. To this day, if I ask him to go to lunch, or just to talk, he'd make time for me. This is SO critical in making relationships with people: making time. Being available to someone means more than "rain check". Being available speaks in volumes to someone more than it is apparent. In the life of Jesus, He always made Himself available. To the blind man, He didn't say that he would catch him later, or that He was too busy. To the leper, He didn't say that He'd love to but _____. He made time. Now, many will argue that Jesus didn't have a job, or kids or school or family to worry about, and while this is true, Luke 9:62 tells us "No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God". Basically, if you want to make or keep relationships, you better be available.
I always enjoy having lunch with Eric because whenever we get together we discuss life, theology, ministry, the places we've been and stories we have. I love having lunch with any good friend of mine because in that moment, we are experiencing what God desires for us: community. Which also is a foundation for discipleship. In that moment we both take a small pause in the busy schedule and just breathe and enjoy the simpler things in life that God offers to us freely.Salvation and Discipleship are 2 different things. Salvation is a free gift, we can choose to accept it, but discipleship is a choice that we must diligently work at. We can be safe by ourselves with eternal life, or we can go out and touch a life who in turn might touch another life, and then we eat at our table in Heaven with all the people we loved in life that we took the time to reach. Community means making time. Relationships require time to grow and to work. Time means being available. Being available means making space. How do we make space? That starts by looking into ourselves and recognizing what needs to go. Do you really need that 3 hours of tv? Or can you call a friend and ask how you can pray for them? Simple things. That's all it really takes. In my own life, I have a lot to sort out but the important thing is I'm making the time to do so, and that is where God comes in and takes care of the rest.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Looking Back: 2012
God has been doing amazing things in the life of Northstar Church, and to hear our lead pastor Marty Martin share such amazing testimonies throughout last year was truly a surreal moment. Last year, over 1,000 people have accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as their Savior and close to 200 people have baptized. We were not only able to launch the East Bay Campus, and it get it started, but also the Panama City Beach Campus within such a short amount of time, that I could describe as God's timing and blessing. We were able to raise $2 million dollars through the faithful giving of our Bold Love initiative, and give $15,000 to build 2 foundations for 2 houses for Habitat For Humanity for 2 families. We were able to buy a toy for EVERY single foster child in bay county, which was well over $3,000. We were able to start 2 partner churches in Boca Raton, Florida, and in Boston, which is 2 demographically unchurched areas. We were able to provide our adopted village in Kiu, Kenya with the means to have clean drinking water to be processed throughout the whole village. I can help but stand in awe of what God has accomplished through our church, and it's very amazing to know that God has blessed us to be able to not only spread the Word, but live it out and love on people and help them to see Jesus. I started going to Northstar well over 3 years ago now, back when the Panama City Campus was just regular Northstar, and the idea of starting campuses haven't even been conceived of yet. Back when they had Axis Student Ministries. It's very surreal to think that now we have 3 campuses around our city to be able to go directly into the different communities and minister to the lost and the needy. To be beacons of hope in the community, and not for the glory of our church, but to see God and His Son glorified through us. That is why I love and serve so faithfully in my church, because we are a church that exists to help the whole find and follow Jesus. Northstar is a place where everyone is welcome, nobody is perfect and anything is possible. We exist to serve and love not only our God but our fellow neighbors. Northstar is a church that gets it, for me. I am honored and blessed to be apart of it, and I can't wait to see what God has in store for us this year in 2013. I am ready to see lives changed, chains broken, and people set free. Until the whole world knows about Jesus, we will not stop doing what we're doing, and to me, that gives me life more abundantly.
Monday, December 10, 2012
Sinful Piety
As a bible college student, I may not know everything there is to know about theology or God's grace just yet, but one thing as a sinner that I am familiar with, is sin itself.
Sin
The very word itself seems to have an ominous resonance to it when you say it. A sort of hushed word that no church-goer wants to hear, thus they whisper it like it's Voldemort from Harry Potter. It's a thing every human being struggles with in their day to day lives. In certain translations, sin literally means "without", or "without God". To sin, is to basically drive a wedge between you and the Father. Sounds depressing doesn't it? To think, that no matter how good you are, how much mass you attend or serve in a ministry, you fail God every single day. Is all hope lost? Are we doomed to be failures for the rest of our sinful little lives? Well, in a sense: yes. Does it stop there? No. You see, in order to embrace God's grace and forgiveness, you must first understand sin. In order to know peace, you must first know chaos. It's a cause and effect relationship. Without chaos, there would just be peace, just as without sin...we wouldn't need Jesus. Now, I'm not saying that sin is of God, because it's very clear in God's word that He hates sin. In fact, sin is what separates us from Him, but in order to know Jesus, we have to know sin. We all know sin, we are born with what is know as "Adamic Blood", which is basically our bloodline that ties us back to Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. The sins of our father, to put it poetically. Pretty much we are born failures, but thankfully through the blood of Jesus Christ, we are redeemed and given life. To accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, we are pretty much signing a contract with God, stating that we give Him full ownership of our lives, as He deems fit. To do so, opens up so much more meaning and purpose.
In my own personal life, I have had to deal with very painful things. My mother has mental illness and is fighting depression everyday. My father takes medication to keep his heart working, and has numerous health afflictions. Dad was never home, he was always working making sure that all our bills were paid, because we didn't know if we were going to have our house one month to the next. Mom was always sleeping early because she didn't have the will to move or even live, so she copes by sleeping. My brother, wants nothing to do with me, or my life. For 17 years of my life, I was pretty much by myself. We stopped celebrating the holidays together as a family. This past year, my mother tried to take her own life, and I live with the fear of one day coming home and finding her dead. My dad, has struggled with mental illness in his family for 25 years with his own father, and thought he would never have to deal with it ever again. My home life isn't the worst, but it's not the best either. Why am I sharing all this? Because I have made it my life's goal, to make sure that everyone I meet or come into contact with, meets the God that I serve so that they can know peace and escape pain. So that they don't have to know the pain that I've experienced. I live to see life change. Before I met God, my life was in shambles. I hung out with drug dealers and dope pushers. Done acts that I'm frankly not proud of, and things that I've knelt before God and asked forgiveness for. I've experienced freedom in the murdered Son of God, and I want the whole world to know it too. The day that He found me, was the day that I truly started living. God gave me purpose that I never had, peace that I never knew, and love like I've never experienced.
I will not rest until the lost know Jesus. That is the mission and the promise that I have made to God, and the purpose that He has given me. It breaks my heart that there are people in this world that hurt, when the rest they are looking for is found in a baby in a manger. I'm not perfect because I know Jesus, but God is perfect because He is in me, and through Him I have everlasting joy. We sin every single day, but God is good enough to forgive us every day, because there is nothing on this planet that can ever separate us from His great love. That is the most beautiful thing I have ever come to know. To rest in the fact that no matter what I do, God still chases after me, He believes in me. A curious yet captivating concept to embrace: God believes in me.
"God made everything out of nothing, so while we are still nothing, He can make something out of us" --Martin Luther.
Sin
The very word itself seems to have an ominous resonance to it when you say it. A sort of hushed word that no church-goer wants to hear, thus they whisper it like it's Voldemort from Harry Potter. It's a thing every human being struggles with in their day to day lives. In certain translations, sin literally means "without", or "without God". To sin, is to basically drive a wedge between you and the Father. Sounds depressing doesn't it? To think, that no matter how good you are, how much mass you attend or serve in a ministry, you fail God every single day. Is all hope lost? Are we doomed to be failures for the rest of our sinful little lives? Well, in a sense: yes. Does it stop there? No. You see, in order to embrace God's grace and forgiveness, you must first understand sin. In order to know peace, you must first know chaos. It's a cause and effect relationship. Without chaos, there would just be peace, just as without sin...we wouldn't need Jesus. Now, I'm not saying that sin is of God, because it's very clear in God's word that He hates sin. In fact, sin is what separates us from Him, but in order to know Jesus, we have to know sin. We all know sin, we are born with what is know as "Adamic Blood", which is basically our bloodline that ties us back to Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. The sins of our father, to put it poetically. Pretty much we are born failures, but thankfully through the blood of Jesus Christ, we are redeemed and given life. To accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, we are pretty much signing a contract with God, stating that we give Him full ownership of our lives, as He deems fit. To do so, opens up so much more meaning and purpose.
In my own personal life, I have had to deal with very painful things. My mother has mental illness and is fighting depression everyday. My father takes medication to keep his heart working, and has numerous health afflictions. Dad was never home, he was always working making sure that all our bills were paid, because we didn't know if we were going to have our house one month to the next. Mom was always sleeping early because she didn't have the will to move or even live, so she copes by sleeping. My brother, wants nothing to do with me, or my life. For 17 years of my life, I was pretty much by myself. We stopped celebrating the holidays together as a family. This past year, my mother tried to take her own life, and I live with the fear of one day coming home and finding her dead. My dad, has struggled with mental illness in his family for 25 years with his own father, and thought he would never have to deal with it ever again. My home life isn't the worst, but it's not the best either. Why am I sharing all this? Because I have made it my life's goal, to make sure that everyone I meet or come into contact with, meets the God that I serve so that they can know peace and escape pain. So that they don't have to know the pain that I've experienced. I live to see life change. Before I met God, my life was in shambles. I hung out with drug dealers and dope pushers. Done acts that I'm frankly not proud of, and things that I've knelt before God and asked forgiveness for. I've experienced freedom in the murdered Son of God, and I want the whole world to know it too. The day that He found me, was the day that I truly started living. God gave me purpose that I never had, peace that I never knew, and love like I've never experienced.
I will not rest until the lost know Jesus. That is the mission and the promise that I have made to God, and the purpose that He has given me. It breaks my heart that there are people in this world that hurt, when the rest they are looking for is found in a baby in a manger. I'm not perfect because I know Jesus, but God is perfect because He is in me, and through Him I have everlasting joy. We sin every single day, but God is good enough to forgive us every day, because there is nothing on this planet that can ever separate us from His great love. That is the most beautiful thing I have ever come to know. To rest in the fact that no matter what I do, God still chases after me, He believes in me. A curious yet captivating concept to embrace: God believes in me.
"God made everything out of nothing, so while we are still nothing, He can make something out of us" --Martin Luther.
Friday, November 9, 2012
His Love
Tonight I felt an overwhelming need to talk about what many of us do not fully understand, and fewer of us even know: the love of Jesus Christ. Now, before I begin I want to disclose that this is not just a vain attempt to try and pass myself off as a "true disciple", and that I know everything there is to know about the love of Jesus. Nor is this just an attempt to publicly flaunt my love for Christ so that you might, for some strange reason, think more highly of me. Let me just say that I am infantile when it comes to truly understanding the magnitude of the love of Christ, and that I am motivated tonight to share what revelation came to me. Jesus came into the world as a servant, when He could have chosen to come as a king. He washed his own disciple's feet, sat with sinners, and hung out with lepers and disease ridden people who were ostracized from the community. The truth behind the love of Christ, which awestruck me more than anything else, was...He didn't care. He didn't care who you were, what you've done, why you did it, who you did it with, when you did it. None of those things mattered to Him. He just loved without ceasing. Whether you were Jew or Gentile, it didn't matter to Him. What even struck me more was, He loved us before we were ever born. "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you..." it says in Jeremiah. He knew me, and who I would be, and what I would do...and yet He loved me anyways. So much so, that He chose to take to the cross and die for me. Now that's a love you can't touch. A love you cannot honestly say that you can begin to understand. Jesus knew exactly where He was going and what was going to happen when He got there, the whole while being beaten and taunted by those who worshiped Him. The very same people that called Him Lord, cried out: "Crucify Him!". Yet He stilled loved them. He loved the ones who murdered Him...and here I am holding a grudge against someone who was a little snooty with me today at work. Who am I to cast judgement and disdain to this person? We often times proclaim the excuse "I love people...but some people make it hard to love them". No, it's YOU who makes it hard to love them. Because if the love of Christ isn't in you, fully in you, then it will never be manifested to them. You can measure your love of God, by how much you love people. The ENTIRE book of the bible, the whole summary of the word of God is summed up in this one commandment: "Love God and love others". It doesn't say: "Love God, and love SOME". It calls for us to love everyone. Nothing mattered to Jesus. He didn't care... because He cared. Forgiving those who wronged you in the past is one of the biggest barriers we set ourselves up to not love other people. Reflecting on what Jesus did on the cross for everyone, even those who murdered Him, helps me realize that Jesus didn't die JUST for me, but everyone. The fact of the matter is I let my ego get in the way of God's will and command for my life. There is a song by Downhere that sums it up pretty well:
How many kings step down from their thrones?
How many lords have abandoned their homes?
How many greats have become least for me?
And how many gods have poured out their hearts,
to romance a world that's torn all apart?
How many fathers gave up their sons for me?
I can't let who I am get in the way of who God wants me to be, and I can't let my ego or selfishness hinder my love for other people, when there is a God in heaven who in enthralled with me and every other person on this planet that He made. A pastor and good friend of mine once told me "If people can't see Christ in or through you, then you're doing it wrong". I still have much to learn about the love of God, but the ultimate example of love is sacrifice. Love is giving, yet desires nothing in return. Glory to God's murdered Son, who paid for my crimes and opened up the gates of Heaven, so that I may not live in eternal darkness from my Creator. I hope that each day that goes by, God would grab hold of my heart and show me what it truly means to love as Christ did: without conditions or requirements. I may never be able to love in the same capacity as Jesus did, but I'm going to get as close as God will possibly allow me to.
How many kings step down from their thrones?
How many lords have abandoned their homes?
How many greats have become least for me?
And how many gods have poured out their hearts,
to romance a world that's torn all apart?
How many fathers gave up their sons for me?
I can't let who I am get in the way of who God wants me to be, and I can't let my ego or selfishness hinder my love for other people, when there is a God in heaven who in enthralled with me and every other person on this planet that He made. A pastor and good friend of mine once told me "If people can't see Christ in or through you, then you're doing it wrong". I still have much to learn about the love of God, but the ultimate example of love is sacrifice. Love is giving, yet desires nothing in return. Glory to God's murdered Son, who paid for my crimes and opened up the gates of Heaven, so that I may not live in eternal darkness from my Creator. I hope that each day that goes by, God would grab hold of my heart and show me what it truly means to love as Christ did: without conditions or requirements. I may never be able to love in the same capacity as Jesus did, but I'm going to get as close as God will possibly allow me to.
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Desert Moments
In our lives, we all experience some sort of conflict or struggle. We come to the place where we feel overwhelmed by the circumstances, and don't know exactly how things will turn out.When you think of the desert, what comes to mind? Well, it's a desolate, barren and unforgiving wild place that certainly will kill you if you're careless. It's big and dry. Nothing but a sea of sand, not to mention the animals that can kill you. Blistering hot during the day, and bone chillingly cold at night. Not exactly a place that I'd like to spend a weekend at. So, why the desert? In the bible, almost every single person that God called for a partnership with, went through a desert...and quite literally:
Moses fled to the desert for 40 years after killing an Egyptian
David fled to the desert to escape Saul
the apostle Paul was in the desert near Damascus for 7 years
Jesus was led by the spirit into the desert and was tempted by the devil
Moses fled to the desert for 40 years after killing an Egyptian
David fled to the desert to escape Saul
the apostle Paul was in the desert near Damascus for 7 years
Jesus was led by the spirit into the desert and was tempted by the devil
See the pattern? The desert keeps popping up.What's so special about the desert? To me, I believe that there are 2 reasons: One, So God can alone with the person so they can experience him personally. As John Elderidge once put it "You don't encounter the Living God at the mall". Two, because it becomes a testing and training ground for the person struggling. It's like basic training that God puts you through to prepare you for the task ahead of you. Take Moses for example, he killed an Egyptian slave worker after he saw him beating a Israelite. He fled to the desert and became a shepherd for 40 years, then he encounters the Lord. Why a shepherd? Well, what does a shepherd do? It leads a flock and keeps them together. Moses had to learn to have a shepherding heart before he could lead his people, who soon would become God's people, out of Egypt, out of slavery, and out of the influence of the false Egyptian gods. The desert was training ground for Jesus, and the ministry God was calling Him to, as was with the apostle Paul.
I say all this to finally come to the real reason why I am writing this blog. This past July, I experienced one of the biggest desert moments I ever faced, and I'm still facing it today. This past July my mother attempted to take her own life. She cut both of her wrists and slit her throat. I received a text from my dad while I was at work that only said "Get your aunt to take you, mom is in the hospital". My mom fell down the stairs earlier so I figured that was the reason why, so me and my aunt both get to the hospital only to see the look on my dad's face that I have not seen in a long time, and only once in my entire life when his brother died. He took one look at me and went out the door without saying a word. At that point my brother broke the news to me and my aunt that she tried to kill herself. I'll be honest, I lost it. I cried immediately. I was an emotional wreck. My mother had been diagnosed with clinical depression for over 10 years after she lost both parents in 1 years time. A million thoughts ran through my mind and I'll be completely transparent when I say that God was not once on my mind. In fact, the first person I called to find comfort from was my girlfriend, Zoe at the time. We went back to see her, laying in a bed on suicide watch. I saw the cuts on her wrists and throat. I couldn't look at her. I was crying so hard. I had to leave. My dad escorted me out, crying with me. In all my years I only seen my dad cry once, and that was at his brother's funeral. I fled to my proverbial desert. I tried to seek comfort at the house of my girlfriend. Not once did I cry out to God, in fact I didn't even think of Him. Fast forward a couple days. She got released from Emerald Coast Behavioral, and she was like a new woman I never met. She was smiling and giggling and...happy for once. She was the mother from my childhood. I was never close with my mother, a thing I regretted once I found out the news. After everything happened, I sought out my spiritual mentors for guidance and counseling, as I always do. Let me take a moment just to praise God for the people I am glad to call my mentor. Without them, I would truly be lost. Truly, it was a traumatic situation that left a wound on my heart, and while I am glad she wasn't successful, the pain is pretty overwhelming. My eyes were opened that day. I can now relate to those who may be experiencing the same thing. I have another testimony. My desert moments aren't over, but I know that God is equipping me for the ministry that He has called me to. Whatever desert moments you may be experiencing in your life, just stop for a moment and ask "What am I being prepared for?".
I leave you with this final thought, a thought that David had when he was in his desert moment:
"The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know Your name trust in You, for You, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek You. " --Psalm 9:9-10
I say all this to finally come to the real reason why I am writing this blog. This past July, I experienced one of the biggest desert moments I ever faced, and I'm still facing it today. This past July my mother attempted to take her own life. She cut both of her wrists and slit her throat. I received a text from my dad while I was at work that only said "Get your aunt to take you, mom is in the hospital". My mom fell down the stairs earlier so I figured that was the reason why, so me and my aunt both get to the hospital only to see the look on my dad's face that I have not seen in a long time, and only once in my entire life when his brother died. He took one look at me and went out the door without saying a word. At that point my brother broke the news to me and my aunt that she tried to kill herself. I'll be honest, I lost it. I cried immediately. I was an emotional wreck. My mother had been diagnosed with clinical depression for over 10 years after she lost both parents in 1 years time. A million thoughts ran through my mind and I'll be completely transparent when I say that God was not once on my mind. In fact, the first person I called to find comfort from was my girlfriend, Zoe at the time. We went back to see her, laying in a bed on suicide watch. I saw the cuts on her wrists and throat. I couldn't look at her. I was crying so hard. I had to leave. My dad escorted me out, crying with me. In all my years I only seen my dad cry once, and that was at his brother's funeral. I fled to my proverbial desert. I tried to seek comfort at the house of my girlfriend. Not once did I cry out to God, in fact I didn't even think of Him. Fast forward a couple days. She got released from Emerald Coast Behavioral, and she was like a new woman I never met. She was smiling and giggling and...happy for once. She was the mother from my childhood. I was never close with my mother, a thing I regretted once I found out the news. After everything happened, I sought out my spiritual mentors for guidance and counseling, as I always do. Let me take a moment just to praise God for the people I am glad to call my mentor. Without them, I would truly be lost. Truly, it was a traumatic situation that left a wound on my heart, and while I am glad she wasn't successful, the pain is pretty overwhelming. My eyes were opened that day. I can now relate to those who may be experiencing the same thing. I have another testimony. My desert moments aren't over, but I know that God is equipping me for the ministry that He has called me to. Whatever desert moments you may be experiencing in your life, just stop for a moment and ask "What am I being prepared for?".
I leave you with this final thought, a thought that David had when he was in his desert moment:
"The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know Your name trust in You, for You, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek You. " --Psalm 9:9-10
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Defining The Line
Imagine a little boy around the age of 6 years old. Young and innocent, he goes into the bathroom and stumbles upon daddy's collection of porn magazines. The dad, to his shame, catches the boy looking at the images confused with a sight that he's never seen before. The dad immediately snatches the magazine away from the boy and tells him "This is not how you love a woman, son. This is smut and it's wrong".
The little boy was me.
I think at one point, almost every male has undergone an addiction to lust in some shape or form. Whether it be through pornography or just drooling over a scantily clad Victoria's Secret model, wondering what she would look like without the napkin barely covering her dirty parts. Men, by nature, are horny creatures. How this is happened, I don't know, but that's not the issue here. We have taken a very gift from God, and we have twisted it into something completely disgusting. Lust is one of the 4 weapons that the enemy uses against us.
Fear
Lust
Anger
PrideI'll never forget what my good friend Heath Taws once told me: "The enemy has the same old tricks, he just uses different mediums". The internet, television, etc. Media is the biggest source of pornography. In Ephesians chapter 5 it talks about "Adorn the amour of God, so you can protect yourself from the schemes of the enemy". Most folks focus on the amour of God, but I think it's the schemes we should focus on.
So how does lust start? Well, it starts with a wound. Lust is mostly associated with the wound of acceptance, wanting to be accepted and to be intimate. As such, there is a cycle that happens with masturbation and it goes like this:
Step 1: The trigger - something triggers the lust
Step 2: The action - you give into the temptation
Step 3: The guilt - you feel ashamed of what you did
Step 4: The regret - you regret doing it, and vow to never do it again...then the cycle repeats itself
God created sex for man and woman to be intimate. It is the very glue of a marriage. Now, let me stop for a moment and clarify something:
Sex is a action
Making love is spiritual
Sex is nothing more than 2 people coming together for a common purpose, but for self satisfaction. To put it into perspective, imagine 2 people robbing a bank. You don't rob a bank so that your partner gets all the loot, you team up so you can get your share, then you part ways. Same with 2 people having sex just for the rush and the feeling.
Making love is something entirely different. It's deep, passionate, shared and intimate. It is 2 people coming together for a common purpose, to enjoy each other as God intended us to do. God made women in His own image. Loving, nurturing, beautiful. All these characteristics reflect who God is. Man was created to be strong, courageous and daring. Men love adventure, risk and a challenge. Why else would we climb Mount Everest or jump out of an airplane? Sex, to the lustful man, is the challenge and the thrill that they seek. The instant pleasure. The acceptance they crave.
Let me draw a line: There is a difference between admiring beauty and lust.Women are beautiful and there's nothing wrong with recognizing that, but when you take her beauty from her for your own pleasure, then it becomes lust. You must learn to draw that line for yourself. Men all have a natural propensity to lust, but we also have the choice to break that propensity.
One of the most defining things for me that I've learned is that God gave us free will, which means He gave us the option to reject Him. Imagine that, the Creator of the heavens and the earth could have forced us to obey...but He didn't because He loves us that much. God doesn't cause any of us to sin, it is by our own choice. When Adam and Eve was in the Garden, God didn't force them to obey, he merely asked of them one thing: Don't eat the apple. One simple little act of obedience towards Him. He didn't force them, He gave them a choice to either obey, or reject. So we must get to the place where we must ask ourselves, will I obey God? OR do I fall into the scheme? Remember: You have the power of choice.
Fear
Lust
Anger
PrideI'll never forget what my good friend Heath Taws once told me: "The enemy has the same old tricks, he just uses different mediums". The internet, television, etc. Media is the biggest source of pornography. In Ephesians chapter 5 it talks about "Adorn the amour of God, so you can protect yourself from the schemes of the enemy". Most folks focus on the amour of God, but I think it's the schemes we should focus on.
So how does lust start? Well, it starts with a wound. Lust is mostly associated with the wound of acceptance, wanting to be accepted and to be intimate. As such, there is a cycle that happens with masturbation and it goes like this:
Step 1: The trigger - something triggers the lust
Step 2: The action - you give into the temptation
Step 3: The guilt - you feel ashamed of what you did
Step 4: The regret - you regret doing it, and vow to never do it again...then the cycle repeats itself
God created sex for man and woman to be intimate. It is the very glue of a marriage. Now, let me stop for a moment and clarify something:
Sex is a action
Making love is spiritual
Sex is nothing more than 2 people coming together for a common purpose, but for self satisfaction. To put it into perspective, imagine 2 people robbing a bank. You don't rob a bank so that your partner gets all the loot, you team up so you can get your share, then you part ways. Same with 2 people having sex just for the rush and the feeling.
Making love is something entirely different. It's deep, passionate, shared and intimate. It is 2 people coming together for a common purpose, to enjoy each other as God intended us to do. God made women in His own image. Loving, nurturing, beautiful. All these characteristics reflect who God is. Man was created to be strong, courageous and daring. Men love adventure, risk and a challenge. Why else would we climb Mount Everest or jump out of an airplane? Sex, to the lustful man, is the challenge and the thrill that they seek. The instant pleasure. The acceptance they crave.
Let me draw a line: There is a difference between admiring beauty and lust.Women are beautiful and there's nothing wrong with recognizing that, but when you take her beauty from her for your own pleasure, then it becomes lust. You must learn to draw that line for yourself. Men all have a natural propensity to lust, but we also have the choice to break that propensity.
One of the most defining things for me that I've learned is that God gave us free will, which means He gave us the option to reject Him. Imagine that, the Creator of the heavens and the earth could have forced us to obey...but He didn't because He loves us that much. God doesn't cause any of us to sin, it is by our own choice. When Adam and Eve was in the Garden, God didn't force them to obey, he merely asked of them one thing: Don't eat the apple. One simple little act of obedience towards Him. He didn't force them, He gave them a choice to either obey, or reject. So we must get to the place where we must ask ourselves, will I obey God? OR do I fall into the scheme? Remember: You have the power of choice.
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