Moments

How does one measure a day? Is it by seconds? Minutes? Hours? Or is it measured by something more? Something more than mere digits. Something timeless. I believe we all live for moments. Moments where time blurs out of focus and all recollection of it fades. Moments that get engraved into our hearts and minds forever. For me, it is the moments that take my breath away and truly bring out my entire self. These moments define me. Today, there was this woman at my church, now many people come and go and pass through and I give them the tradtional "Welcome to Northstar!" but there was something different about this woman. My eyes singled her out from the crowd. Now, she wasn't attractive to where this would be typical guy behavior, my eyes singled her out because I saw that she was hurt. Not physically, but spiritually and emotionally. She had a face that I've seen before, one that's seen it's fair share of pain, but a smile that put up the false guise that she was "okay". She had a broke foot, and was supported by crutches. I dropped everything in my hands to go to her, I felt compelled to help her. God's spirit led me to her. I held the door open and held all the items that she could not carry and helped her to a seat. As I walked away, she asked me for my name. I told her and left to go back to work. As the service started I sat in the back while she sat in the front, meanwhile the whole time her face was engraved into my mind. I felt a faint whisper telling me to go sit by her, so I did. We did not say anything during the service, but when Ray prayed the prayer to accept Christ as savior, I heard the sobs of a woman who was done hurting, who was done trying, who was just done. They were sobs and cries of surrender. When it was over, she told me that the message she just heard really hit home for her, and it had a huge impact on her heart. It was warming to hear those words. She then asked me if she could get a ride to the beach baptism being held at St. Andrews State Park at 5pm. I promptly told Ray who set up a ride for her. As I helped her to her car, she told me that she never experienced such kindness and tenderness from anyone, and told me how she broke her foot. She fell out of a 3 story balcony while drunk. She said the message spoke to her directly. Her life was a wreck and she wanted better. She then made the decision to get baptized in the name of Jesus. Before she drove away, I asked her what her name was, and she told me "Evette".

Evette, I just want you to know, that you are in my prayers, and also in my heart. My heart is overwhelmed that God has put that calling on your life and I am excited to see what He has in store for you. It is my fervent  prayer, that He dramatically changes your life to where You cannot deny Him, and it makes your past just a memory and all your sin is covered by the blood of the Savior, and you can look to the future with hope as a redeemed child of God. Evette, I live for people like you, and I thank God that I played a small role in His plans for you. I hope to see you again at Northstar one day, and I hope to stand by you as your brother in Christ.

To God be the glory forever.

Apart Of Me

It's awfully funny how we put on different masks in our lives to accommodate the situations or people that we're around. We like to hide the parts of ourselves that we feel may be "too extreme to handle" for public consumption. To quote A Few Good Men "You can't handle the truth!". We most often do this when talking to girls and on dates with people we barely know, I'm guilty of doing it. Sometimes a chick will say something that will stir my inner nerd to quote a really obscure Star Wars reference or compare it to something geeky that they probably never heard of in their reality tv watching lives. So now whenever I get the urge to yell out what my inner dork is saying, I have to stop myself and tell it "dude, shut up". Whenever I go on dates, it's almost as if I want to censor everything I say, lest I say something completely stupid to make her think I'm some kind of serial rapist or really lame guy. Mind you, I don't try to be somebody I'm not and pretend and lie, I just don't fully let her see the "whole" me. At least not just yet. It's a slow and gradual process. I've noticed that a lot of people do this, or even go so far as to be somebody that they're not, as if they really are a football playing astronaut surgeon that saved a bus full of orphans and kittens and volunteers at the Rescue Mission everyday. While I don't do that, I do try and keep myself "bottled in" for fear of judgement or criticism. We all want to impress our date, it's just human nature. However, I think we've taken it to an extreme of competition with ourselves. This insecurity in us makes us doubtful in the person that God has created us to be, or shaping us to become. When we can't even be honest with ourselves, then how in the world can we be honest with God? I read somewhere that we don't really mature, we just learn how to act in public. The pressure of the date can be a huge stress factor on anyone because it's almost as if we try and play to suit the likes and wants of the other person, rather than just letting each other find something that they like about each other. In every date, there is always the one person doing the majority of the work, I believe that 80% of the time, it's the guy, and I think it should be this way. Men are called by God to be the breadwinners, to be the leader of the household, to be the one his family looks to. He has the obligation to pay for everything because that's what chivalry is. I'm trying my best to prove that chivalry isn't dead. The horrible thing is though, at least for me and 99% of Christian God-fearing men is that society has twisted lies into truths, and truths into lies. You see, in today's world, especially prevalent in the teenage community, it is almost frowned upon to be a Christian. If you don't drink in today's world, you're a heathen. If you don't do drugs, you're a blasphemer. If you don't have sex, then you will be damned. These things make it hard for many of us to look for a partner, and while we should always rely on God to help us find one that suits us, dating can still be a dangerous thing. For many people out there have adopted the "half-way" doctrine of faith where "Oh I believe in God and I love Him, just not enough to do what he says and I'm going to do my own thing because I have problems with authority, control and daddy issues".

Getting back to the masks thing, I think we all to some extent do it. To impress new people into thinking more about you for that first impression. For that girl you just met and really like so you strut your feathers to try and lure her into your trap. It's a difficult thing to do, but we have to stop doing it and just let ourselves be who we are without fear of any ridicule. You are who you are because that's who God made you. Period. Be happy with who you are because we are all different and beautiful in our own way and that's what separates us from everyone else. The circumstances of your life and the experiences you've gone through have all played a part in shaping you into who you are now. Be free and learn to let go, and have a little fun living.

Life Giving

I had lunch today with one one of the greatest dudes I have ever met in my life, who not only one of my major influences in my life and mentor, but also a good friend whom I love like family. We strive to have lunch together as much as possible to catch up and talk about our lives and about God. We went to Ghengis Grill(amazing btw) and we talked about some things but then he said something truly profound. Life and God are all about wilderness. Think about this for a moment, Moses was lead for 40 years into the desert before God called him to lead his people out of Egypt. Jesus was lead by the spirit into the desert for 40 days to prepare for what the Father had called Him to do. the apostle Paul spent 7 years in the wilds of Damascus to prep for his mission. It's all about the desert. What that means for us is, when we are at our lowest point, when we come to the place of complete surrender, to where we feel like nothing else could get worse, that is where we hear and see God the most. You don't find God at the mall, or at Ray Ray's house, you find Him in a place of total seclusion, away from prying eyes and vibrating cell phones and Facebook.

In Israel, there is a tree known as the Acacia tree. It is truly a remarkable tree because it is literally in the middle of a dry and hot desert with no water in sight, but somehow manages to produce green foliage on its branches. To the shepards and people of the Old Testament, this tree was life. It gave shade during the day, it was food for the sheep and animals, it was wood for the fires. This tree was literally a life giving tree. One of the most beautiful pictures the bible paints can be found in psalm 1 or Jeremiah 17 where it basically says the same thing: "

Blessed is the one 
    who does not walk in step with the wicked 
or stand in the way that sinners take 
    or sit in the company of mockers, 
² but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, 
    and who meditates on his law day and night.
³ That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, 
    which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
    whatever they do prospers.

Now, the tree this passage talks about was the Acacia tree. You might be thinking "but it says it's planted by streams of water, but there are no streams in the desert?" That is because the roots of the Acacia tree are deeply rooted in the soil, so deep, that it finds water deep underground and that is how it bears fruit all year long. The same goes for us, when we are deeply rooted in God's word, no matter the storms or deserts we may go through, we can be life giving to those who are also in a desert. We can give shade to those who need it. This life that God has called us to is not always easy, but when we are rooted in truth, there is nothing that God cannot equip us to do. It is better to live a life fulfilled, then a life full of regret. I've gone through a lot of storms in my life, but I know that my God is greater, and I am called to something that I can't even begin to fathom. 

A Better Love Story Than Twilight

Isn't it curious how when you're single all you see is cute, adorable couples that taste what the other had for lunch in public and do cutesey little things for each other and laugh and look so perfect? When you just sit there like "yup...just gonna enjoy myself here...alone." It's those times where YOLO really stands for "You Only Live Ostracized. But when you're in a relationship, it's funny how all you see is single girls that are either cute, or girls that you wanted to date before, but now can't because you're caught in a current commitment. Now, don't misunderstand me, I'm not trying to say that girls are all-you-can-eat buffets that you just get you a little bit then move on to the next piece of meat down the line. I'm just saying before you date someone, the girl that you previously tried to get with, is suddenly single and you find out that she liked you all along. Today I aimlessly meandered around the mall, mostly to clear my head. Why I chose the mall, I'll never know because it's not exactly the best place for spiritual healing. I kept running into people that I went to high school with, most of them I tried to avoid eye contact with and act like I didn't see them...you might think that is rude but I just didn't feel like talking to a person I barely knew, reminiscing about things that I don't even miss when I could be staring at things that I can't even buy while pondering the greater mysteries in life such as "I wonder what would happen if they made a Star Wars 7?" But I digress...Getting out of a very serious and committed relationship has taught me that being alone sucks. Friends are cool, yeah, but having a person of the opposite sex that has a deeper understanding of who you really are and how you really feel about things gives you a sense of security and grounding that makes you feel safe. That makes you feel secure in who you are and that if something goes wrong, you know the first person you can go to because she knows how to make you feel better more than anyone. Women are amazing creatures. God has created them to be nurturing and caring and kindhearted souls that have a mothering side to them. Mind you, not every girl is in tune with this instinct, but that's what separates the girls from the women. I sat by this REALLY beautiful and fine chick today at church and it totally distracted me from worshiping. I don't know who you are mystery girl, but you are super fine...again, I digress. I guess what I'm trying to spit out of this totally desultory blog, is that being alone really allows you to focus on who you are and what you're doing. I've found that I have more time to focus on God and what I'm currently doing and where I'm going than just living for the moment. While I don't enjoy being alone, it has shown me that I'm not dependent on no one but God. It has shown me that I love my most recent ex very much..but I love God more. It's a tough thing when someone asks "Would you give up God for me?" I never was asked such a question in my life. Most of you would have immediately spat out "NO NEVER!". I'll be honest...I hesitated. But my answer was always no. My answer was God. It's a tough life that God has called me to, and to everyone called to ministry. You have to give up soo much. To give up the "normal" life. Normal is relative but the major consensus is "I believe in God, but not enough to go to church or follow His will or read His word or give up sex,drugs,alcohol and everything else". When one is called to ministry, you have to give up everything that our greedy little bodies desire. There are things that I cannot and will not do because of my faith...and I'm ok with that. I am perfectly content knowing that I am fulfilling God's will and purpose in my life, even if it costs me everything I know. I had to basically give up my first love because of it. I'll be honest, it's not easy following God sometimes. Circumstances arise that leave you wanting and questioning, but it is by faith alone that I keep moving. I'm happy with who I am and what I want. Life sucks sometimes but I don't let it get to me. There is always something bigger and better on the other side of anything. We as human beings have the natural tendency to want things, even if it's bad for us and we know it. Most folks are perfectly content with believing in a God, but half heartedly. There is no such thing as half-loving or half-believing in God. With God, it's all or nothing. You can't say "Yeah I love God" but go out and wake up in somebody's bed that you don't know, taking pills that you don't have a illness or prescription for, or drinking things that make you do stupid things. Moses didn't, Job didn't, David didn't, Abram didn't and Jesus CERTAINLY didn't. If Jesus even had to pray, then what makes us any better? Why shouldn't we as well? It's God or bust with me.